Feb 26, 2008. In this last episode of season 2, we feature our attempt to name five "bad bathroom things" to put in your mouth, not including bathroom cleaning products. Harder than you think, in part because of the restrictions Warren imposes on the segment, but especially because the discussion comes off the rails with a digression on toilet brush manufacture. Hard to believe a topic centered around all kinds of horrible things that could be in a bathroom would get us on a tangent. If you're as surprised as we are, express yourself via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Tune in next week for the beginning of a brand new season and our 100th episode. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Feb 20, 2008. Pour yourself a drink and get ready for this morning's episode. We start by promoting sandwich meat awareness in this week's Foody Goody. Warren wants a single term to describe a pre-sliced unit of lunchmeat. He has a lot of time on his hands. And so do we, I guess. In fact, you're listening to this crap, so YOU have a lot of time on your hands, too! Congratulations. Anyway, since you apparently have tons of free time, you might want to listen to last week's episode, "Meat mountain of badness" to make sense of some of this conversation. It won't make a lot of sense, but perhaps some. Anyway, all of this talk of edible animal trimmings leads Warren to ask about Haggis, on which Luc is not really an expert. If you would like to develop our idea for specialty haggises for nicotine addicts, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Feb 8, 2008. You may wish to follow Warren's lead and try to eject early. As it turns out, all kinds of crazy shit happens at Warren's workplace, especially in the elevator. Now, now, don't get any perverse ideas. Those things may happen, but Warren apparently finds them to be perfectly normal compared to the questions he fields from strangers and the pubes he finds on his soap. If you have suggestions for how Warren should have responded to the elevator interview, let us know by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). We somehow segue into a discussion of dentists, their names, and their boobs, and we close with T-bone's first rule of reflexology. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jan 30, 2008. Warren begins this week's episode with a complaint about the Snuggle Bear, spokes-animal for Snuggle Fabric softener. Either he's a real dick, or Warren has a low threshold for assholeishness. Anyway, we spend some time poking holes in the logic behind the ad campaign, and T-bone wonders if the Snuggle Bear is a pervert. What kind of guy uses fabric softener? We actually don't know. What happens if you don't use any form of fabric softener? Does that make your clothes sharp and glasslike? Then in a Nature Walk Luc suggests that it's a good thing women can't store sperm like insects, and T-bone learns why insemination in insects is like a video game. If you can store or sort sperm in your cheeks or anywhere else, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jan 22, 2008. The intro might make more sense if it came at the end of the episode. But then it wouldn't be an intro, I guess. Anyway, you'll figure out if you can be bothered. And if not, never mind, because we'll distract you by discussing the feats of a Nova Scotian mythical hero. If you think you know why Glooscap is famous, you're probably wrong. Then in Dictionary Plus Warren asks where the phrase "tit for tat" comes from. This leads us to address the long-unanswered question: what do a baloney sandwich and a hamster have in common? Survey your friends and see if anyone can come up with a better solution. If you find one, let us know by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jan 15, 2008. T-bone starts by suggesting a hair-based exfoliant, before Warren warns everyone about how sharp hair can be (especially the pointy end), based on the story of a Nova Scotian hairdresser who contracted a nasty infection because forgot to wear the appropriate safety equipment. You've been warned! Then Warren relates a (censored) story about how a lunchtime conversation with his boss about Popeye's Chicken (Warren has a very boring job) turned into a conversation about a perverted email sex video featuring a naked headstand and a carton of milk. That's probably as much as you really want to know, but we discuss it at length anyway to fulfil our promise of having limited appeal. If you understand this video or participated in filming it, please do not email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jan 7, 2008. We start by helping out another frustrated internet searcher who for some reason stumbled onto our website after googling "the sexy girl machines". Of course our website had no information on this, until now. Much of our discussion is focused on the use of a definite article in his search phrase, which is probably not what the dude was bargaining for. Anyway, T-bone quickly rescues the segment by telling us about his one-time girlfriend's fondness for sitting on the clothes dryer. You SHOULD be intrigued. Then in Urban Legend, Warren describes how The Flintstones was based on a true story, supported by "overwhelming archaeological evidence". Turns out the fact that they wrote stuff on stone tablets means there's a treasure trove of artefacts with which we can learn about our past. Sigh. If you have questions about Warren's methods of attribution, or wish to electronically punch him in the neck, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Dec 20, 2007. Look, we're busy. And last year's episode was no worse than most, so you can just calm down and listen again. Or not. If you were expecting something new, well, this is what you get. Tune in after the holidays for a brand new episode, but in the meantime, Merry Tedmas! During this holy time of peace, giving and family, we bring to you tidings of great joy, and ask age-old questions about why angels have trees in their asses. And some other things. Then we discuss the pros and cons of the Santa Claus myth. If you want to ask T-bone how Sex was personified as a character during his upbringing, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Then Luc reveals the frightening, sinister side of Santa who might stuff you into a big sack and carry you away. Are you scared, bitch? Sticking with the theme, in ETWTF we ask how one might explain Santa (or Ted) to aliens. Merry Tedmas, everyone!

Dec 17, 2007. T-bone introduces his favourite new shooter girl, Taylor. Warning: what follows is stereotypically sexist banter. If you were expecting anything else, well, you know the motto. Anyhoo, turns out Taylor managed to convince T-bone that she is not very bright despite outwitting him in an argument. Then, at long last, we discuss how much should boobs cost. We know about as much about plastic surgery as we do about anything else. Then, in Foody Goody, we feature the 4th in our series of "What am I Eating" segments. As usual, you won't be able to hear any audio cues, but play along anyway. To suggest better versions or our terrible contest, please email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). We probably won't listen, but email us anyway. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Dec 10, 2007. In a Limited Appeal first, we spend the entire episode this week dealing with our mail sack, overflowing with a single mail from Louie Lawent, author of "The Louie/God Interviews (What The Big Fella Really Thinks About Man And The Universe)." He has suggested that we feature snippets from his book on our show, so we do. Are people really like radio songs? If you've also wondered this, could you please fucking explain it to me, because I don't get it. I'm not sure if our conversation will provide Louie with the kind of "boost" he is after; judge for yourself whether our promo credentials are well justified. If you have a book you would like us to promote, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net) containing a few quotations of your choosing, and we promise that we may or may not read and/or deride it and/or suggest more toastlike versions of it in an episode. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Dec 3, 2007. Warren's Urban Legend this week, in keeping with the pattern for this segment of being total horseshit, is that skunk spray was formerly used to keep women virginal before chastity belts were invented. Where the spray was applied is a matter of debate, but Warren insists that it was used in the most offensive way possible. What sound does a spraying skunk make after its scent gland has been removed? Listen and find out. And if you can still manage to maintain an erection despite having been neutered, let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Nov 26, 2007. We start with a good idea/bad idea segment in which we evaluate an advertising campaign for soap featuring loose pubic hair. Naturally, we wonder why Old Spice wants us to scrub away all our pubic hairs, especially if we're sharing a shower with a big hairy dude, or perhaps even with a small seemingly hairless woman, like the kind T-bone dates. In the second half, we discuss variations on soap involving food and corpses. Intrigued? Would you like to have your friends and family infusing you with pubes after you die? How come? Let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Nov 19, 2007. We start this week in style by risking massive litigation. If you're confused, see episode Brown Toothpaste. Then Warren tells yet another story about his very strange workplace. It involves a questionable segue between a story about cruelty to squirrels and a considerably darker story we can't even describe because it's way too disturbing. Aren't you glad you don't work with Warren and his colleagues? Me too. Thankfully, Warren rescues us from the utterly disgusting by bringing up autofellatio. Then we try to name five things people can't be allergic to. Think it's easy? Then you haven't appreciated the finer philosophical points inherent in the question. Allow us to enlighten you. If you wish to thank us for being so illuminating, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Nov 12, 2007. Which Sesame Street characters had their shit together, do you think? And which ones always got duped? If you don't know, we'll tell you. And use this excellent excuse for playing Snuffy's song. La la la, la la la la! Then Luc asks whether dogs suffer ring-sting echo. Listen for the full explanation, but be warned that the subject matter is as lowbrow as you think, or possibly even lower. For example, an on-topic question related to this conversation: "Imagine how bad your piss would taste if you're eating coal!" My guess is this is not a common topic in your average podcast. Yet another niche exploited by Limited Appeal. If you know of any other obscure topics that deserve our thorough treatment, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Nov 5, 2007. What if everyone, all at the same time, got bitten by an animal? Make sure you don't fall into the trap of taxonomic bias – an animal can be something that's not a plant or fungus or prokaryote. If you follow this logic through, you'll realize that there was probably a moment in history when everyone actually was bitten by something. Don't believe us? Check your eyebrows. When you're finished, Warren will provide you with another urban legend on the origin of the plumber's snake. It's harder to believe than the fact that everyone was bitten at the same time at some point in the middle ages. If you feel a sharp pang in the back of your neck, and you have neither a mullet nor any scalp mites, it's probably Warren's bullshit story giving you a headache. Email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net) if you want to complain. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Oct 29, 2007. This week's episode kicks off with a Nature Walk, in which Warren announces the limited circumstances in which cows dream. Unpredictably, this eventually leads to poo talk, and Luc explains a recent (real) experiment he conducted that featured cow patties. Can you guess who ruined the poo experiment? You may or may not be surprised. If you are interested in a career in cow poo science, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Oct 22, 2007. We start with John taking his turn at hosting "What am I eating?". Listen very carefully, because there's always a chance he might "reward himself", so to speak. Play along with your friends and try to guess what he's eating in spite of the lack of audio clues. You can't possibly do any worse than T-bone, even if you don't have KY all over your hands. After T-bone cleans himself up, Warren asks why the seven deadly sins are not properly covered in the Ten Commandments, and issues another (terrible) ultimatum. Somehow the lesson from our banter is that actors should refrain from morally objectionable roles. I know, it's bullshit. Tell us why you think so via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Oct 15, 2007. After a suspenseful delay, we finally continue our fascinating (to some?) discussion of pudding. If you've had enough pudding already, skip ahead to 4:00. If you missed the last episode, you may want to start with that one first. We'll wait. Go on! Right. Now that you're finally back (Jesus!), you can start by hearing John's (perhaps predictably) angry reaction to the existence of lava molecules. Then Luc reaffirms that pudding (or puddinging) should be a verb. Why? Maybe we need more words with a double i-n-g. Or maybe not. Finally, we break down and look some shit up, and the results are mind-blowing. If your world has also been rocked by our etymological discussions, let us know with an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Oct 2, 2007. We begin this week by discussing the parameters of pudding in Foody Goody. Turns out having glass shards is no obstacle to being pudding, but being sliced is. If you're confused by this because you grew up outside North America, this segment won't help. What if you put lava into pudding? What if there's enough pudding to cool the lava? Just as we get going with the metaphysical implications of this, we need to break – stay tuned for pudding part 2 next week! Email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Sep 26, 2007. We start with Luc trying to interpret the phrase "Actually kicking the shit out of them." Fair warning: this discussion involves poop. Then, in Name Five Things, Warren asks us to list candidates for replacing the suits in a deck of cards. Once again we will amaze you with our thing-naming capacity. Really. Or by our revelations on the future of cards. Or maybe with how long it takes us to come up with five things. Whatever. It doesn't matter – I made a point. Finally, Warren announces "Moot Point" day, even though it will have already passed by the time this episode airs. Tell us how you celebrated via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Sep 19, 2007. Warren begins by describing the experience of listening to the worst song he has ever heard: "I've got my mind set on you", by George Harrison. But since Weird Al spoofed it, it couldn't have been that bad. Too bad Weird Al can't count. Dumbass. At least we get to play some new transition music, and hope he doesn't sue us. Then we reach back into the mailsack, where someone left a comment via our myspace page. Is "bitch" a gender-specific word? Tell us what you bastards think by sending us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Sep 10, 2007. John starts us off by telling us about his frightening visit to a stag the night before the recording, and this somehow turns into a discussion of Warren's influence on the spread of STD's. Then, after a short delay so John can catch up to the rest of us, we move to Polish the Bishop (with exciting new segment music), in which we discuss the possible euphemistic meaning of the phrase "Support the Troop(s)". If you own a male push-up thong, first put on a ball cap for safety reasons, and then please explain why: send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Sep 4, 2007. After an especially Fraggley introduction, we talk about the most disgusting picture on the Internet, which none of us has seen. Apparently, though, it's nasty. If you have a copy, send it to Warren only in a disguised link. Then Warren asks which of the Golden Girls we would most like as a roommate. We shouldn't have been surprised when T-Bone jumped to conclusions about what being a roommate involves. If you would like to move in with him, let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Aug 23, 2007. In this week's Nature Walk, we discuss a quote by William S. Burroughs: "Which came first: the intestine or the tapeworm?" Turns out that the answer depends a lot on how you define a tapeworm, and an intestine, and the word "the". Then we present the inaugural edition of a new segment: Good Idea, Bad Idea. Warren's suggestion for discussion is an early 16th century Mexican tradition that a widow must not wash for 80 days during mourning after a man's death, then scrape off the accumulated crud, wrap it in paper, and give it to the priest. Let us know if you think this practice (or the segment itself) is a good idea or a bad idea by sending us some email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Aug 16, 2007. In Alcoholics Says, for a change we discuss an alcohol-related story rather than something one of us is drinking. Apparently there's a Russian word for a period of continuous drunkenness that lasts at least two days. Warren somehow thinks this, in addition to the fact that 43% of deaths for men aged 30-50 are caused by drinking poisonous liquids in an attempt to get (or stay) drunk, indicates a problem. What do you think? If you are sober enough to type, let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). If you're not sober enough, perhaps you need to go into training; you can start by growing a moustache. Then we present round 2 of our "What am I eating?" contest. Just like in round 1, it's impossible to hear many audio clues, but we don't let that stop us from guessing. Please play along, and prepare to be amazed by T-bone's culinary dedication! Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Aug 9, 2007. OK, all you word-liking bitches, we begin with Dictionary Plus so that we can explore what exactly futs are, either now, or at some stage in the future. Does that description make any sense? Doesn't matter: it's good enough. Then Luc reports on who is winning and how many are dead from the field, where he has just returned from a safari. Apparently, the rhinos are pretty dangerous and require their own rhino clown. But Warren is more frightened of the monkeys. Luc is also afraid of the chimps, but only because of the serious scrotal problems. If you've ever experienced genital discomfort because of an interaction with a non-human ape, let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Aug 3, 2007. This week's episode starts as an urban legend and ends as an inventions and shit segment. Warren provides a public service by warning everyone about how many poop molecules get stuck to a toothbrush that is left near the toilet, and the conversation that follows is predictably unsettling. In spite of how nonsensical Warren's premise is, we spend a lot of time trying to solve this problem, and even reveal a heretofore top-secret invention by a friend of ours that may involve anal staples. Let us know what you think via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jul 26, 2007. Just in case you didn't get enough of last week's topic, this episode features more rectal goodness ­ see episode Luc's Special Honey for the preamble. John is surprised to discover that honeydew comes from an aphid's ass, but after some discussion appears to get excited about the prospect of drinking honeydew. We discuss the commercial possibilities and marketing challenges. In the superhero's phone booth, Warren proposes Biowarfare Chick, who mutates viruses after getting their attention, and "sicks" them on criminals. We accidentally stumble on the weakness of her crime procurement strategy: personal hygiene. And the delay between infection and illness. And the fact that every innocent bystander will also probably get sick. If you can think of any other weaknesses in this superhero, let us know by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jul 18, 2007. Starting this week, Luc will be reporting from far afield for the indefinite future. (Translation, his audio is a bit weird, and we don't know why or how to fix it.) This week we determine analogous foods to honey, produced by other animals than bees. Of course, it would help if we had the vaguest idea how honey is made, which we don't. But that doesn't stop us from speculating on this subject and on how bird reproduction works. Then, entirely by accident, Warren stumbles on a rather good analogy for bees, which is aphid-farming ants. The moral of the story: aphids are like bees. To express your appreciation for this insight, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jul 10, 2007. Today's episode features the first instalment of our new contest: What am I eating? This contest will stretch over several weeks or months, and each of us will take a turn at stumping the others with clues in the form of audible mastication (I said mastication, you pervert). The winner will receive an as-yet unspecified prize. Feel free to play along, but keep in mind that our audio isn't very good, and you won't win a prize even if you're much better at guessing than we are. Submit your entries via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). After we finish dining, we move on to discuss asymmetry in testicular positioning (except for Warren). Warren claims to have conducted an experiment supporting a theory, and this leads to all kinds of epistemological discussion on the nature of scientific theories, and the covariance between testicular and penile positioning. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jun 26, 2007. John starts us off this week with an epileptic introduction. Then Warren revives a segment we haven't had in a long time by introducing a new, darker superhero. This guy turns 8-track tapes into weaponized bibles. Yeah. You read that correctly. Actually, they're just fucking bibles, but Warren likes to call them "weaponized" because he's a dick. If you think the whole setup is terrible, wait till you hear his name. I want to punch Warren in the neck right now, just thinking about it. If you feel the same way, let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jun 20, 2007. This week we begin with another segment of "Urban Legend", in which Warren guarantees you cancer if you eat 30 mushrooms or 15 000 pounds of bacon every day. T-bone volunteers to test this guarantee in order to trash his vagina. Nope, it doesn't make any more sense when you listen to the full segment either. Then, in the "Nature Walk", Warren describes exhibitionist mammals at a Home Show, and this leads to much discussion about the solo sex lives of non-human animals. Finally, Luc asks what is wrong with masturbating in public. If you think you know, tell us via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jun 13, 2007. This is a vegetarian episode, as sadly there is no T-bone in this one. To begin this week, you guessed it, we discuss the word "cocksure". We get a bit distracted during the discussion: we consider the "universal opposite", and discuss why gruntled, flammable, and famous can't be made into antonyms with the usual prefixes. When we try to get back on topic, we end up chatting about "Happy Days". Then we discover the imitative origin of the words "cock" and "Warren". This reminds Warren of one of his co-workers who schedules "evening" meetings at 2 pm. We've censored random words in this discussion for no good reason at all. Our assumption is that your imagination is much funnier than our actual conversation. If you're feeling shitsure and think you know what the opposite of "says" is, email us with your suggestion (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jun 6, 2007. We start out this week by trying to name 5 things that are not translucent. You'll have to listen to see if we could do it! Refer to episode Floppy Sock to hear us successfully name 5 things that are translucent. If you have an idea for us to name 5 things, send us an email at maskedman@limitedappeal.net. And don't worry - it doesn't have to be a good idea. Then we discuss why tall buildings don't have a thirteenth floor. Or why we should have to pay for a ferry boat with giraffes instead of cash. Damn that Hammurabi!Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

May 29, 2007. We start with another segment of Alcoholics Says. Warren introduces a new drink, which we attempt to find a catchy name for. This is kind of a pointless exercise, because Warren's own impression is that the drink is terrible. We do however stumble on Buckley's secret recipe! (Please do not sue us Mr. Buckley.) In a new low, Warren asks what it would take for each of us to eat our own poo. Sorry. I strongly recommend you don't listen to this segment. Seriously. If you insist, feel free to email us your complaints (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

May 22, 2007. We begin by explaining headcheese to John in our latest Foody Goody segment. This leads to a discussion of why such a comestible can be called cheese, and we conclude that a food can be called anything as long as one of the words in its name is true. T-bone's anxiety about eating pig's feet is deepened when Luc describes how mushrooms are grown. Warren then asks when LOL is no longer sufficient to placate an offended text message recipient. Surprisingly, this leads to a whole lot of offensive conversation. We hope you're not offended (DNOEI!!!), but if you are, let us know in a cryptic acronym-ridden email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

May 14, 2007. We begin with Warren attempting to impress us with his extensive knowledge of cricket, but we think he's full of shit. However, if your name is Tarnqvist and you know what silly-mid-off means, let us know (email maskedman@limitedappeal.net) so Warren can gloat. Then in Dictionary Plus, Warren asks why felching is so popular it's been dignified with a name. If you don't know what felching is, we can't help you. Try our old friend Google Images! Finally, in this week's Nature Walk, Luc describes a calf with an unusual eating habit. Moral of the story: never question a sacred cow, because he probably just cut himself shaving. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

May 8, 2007. We start this week's episode with a Nature Walk, in which Warren asks what animal we would most like to speak English. None of the answers make any sense, but I suppose that's not very surprising. Nor is John's affection for wildebeests. In Dictionary Plus, Warren asks for a non-offensive word for blitzkrieg, just in case you need to use it at church. Those ushers, they get out of control sometimes. If you know a bad Craig, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

May 1, 2007. This week we feature a prolonged Nature Walk, in which Warren asks why some people refuse to eat cute animals. Would you eat tuna if it were accidentally caught in a dolphin net? Naturally this topic leads to questions about prohibitions against sex with animals, especially rabbits. (What did you expect?) Luc questions why the Bible recommends the execution of animal victims of rape. Warren then asks us whether we would consent to our pet having a sexual relationship with a person. This of course leads us to wonder how to determine whether a pet is consensual. If you know the answer, let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Apr 24, 2007. Once Johnzo stops picking at it, we realize someone has punched us in the mail sack. Apparently some guy or girl left a comment on our myspace page complaining about belching in a recent episode. Curiously, she didn't complain about the rectal prolapse segment. Different folks, we guess. T-bone conditionally addresses her complaint, subject to the cooperation of Coca-cola and its corporate cronies. In the Urban Legend, Warren explains the origin of the phrase "riding shotgun". If you operate a bakery near Naples, you might consider erecting some protective barriers out front. If you know what riding shotgun is called when a woman is driving, let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Apr 17, 2007. What does it take to have the rights to play "What Does It Take" by Honeymoon Suite? We don't know. But Johnzo isn't offering much. In Dictionary Plus, we try to determine how to revoke a "please". Hey, we're always trying to help. If you work for the Oxford English Dictionary, contact us via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Finally, Warren issues an ultimatum to Ricky Gervais for stealing our format and making it funny. A reminder for anyone who is expecting us to be as funny as Ricky Gervais: this is what you get. Finally, we suggest a euphemism for smelly feet. Try it out when the guy next to you on the plane takes his shoes off. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Apr 9, 2007. Our website tracker tells us what search terms lead visitors to the website, and we noticed recently that one inquisitive surfer stumbled onto our site after asking Google, "How do you know if your ballsack is shrinking". Recognizing that said web surfer must have been disappointed in our lack of shrinking ballsack-related web content, we decided to correct the situation. Do you have a question for our sexual health panel? Email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Finally, what would it take for you to agree to attend a 700$ per plate event at which The Beach Boys play? If you are a fan of either The Beach Boy or the beach guyz, you probably won't appreciate our answers. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Apr 2, 2007. We start with another Urban Legend in which Warren proposes that ingesting very small amounts of a substance produces the opposite of its effect in large doses. So for example, a small amount of caffeine might put you to sleep. Confused? It's kinda like, um, magnets. One end of the magnet is like a small amount of coffee, and the other end . . . ah fuck it. It's total bullshit. In Dictionary Plus, Warren proposes the elimination of two words from the English language. Then we remark on the imprecision entailed in the "half-mile club". Our new recommendations help distinguish all kinds of sexual groupings in planes. If you have any further suggestions, let us know by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Mar 26, 2007. This week we return to Foody Goody after a long lapse to briefly discuss Warren's Chinese Wedding experience, complete with bloody shark-fin soup. Then, in Pooh Corner, we ask how arms manufacturers sleep at night. Turns out you don't become the CEO of an Arms Manufacturing company by accident. Who knew? In the course of the conversation, we end up promoting two movies and one book, and Warren even suggests an improvement for the book title. We'll be expecting a cut from the producers and publisher shortly. To arrange the payment, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Mar 19, 2007. Johnzo proposes a new insult invoking Braille and gooseflesh. In Pooh Corner, Warren asks why skill-testing questions are required for contest-winners. Answer: we don't know. Now skip ahead to 5:20. Warren asks what would happen if everyone, all at once, mosh-pitted, and this naturally leads us to naked slides and John Tesh. Admit it, you're curious. Finally, Luc corrects T-Bone about whether snails have asses. What they do with that arrangement is their own business. If you have any snail-porn, send it to us: maskedman@limitedappeal.net. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Mar 12, 2007. We start with "What Would It Take" corner, and Warren asks what it would take for each of us to agree to sell his soul. Luc undersells everyone (perhaps a bit impulsively) before he realizes he has relinquished both his thermostat and his TUMS. A foolish man and his digestive aids are soon parted. As our resident philosopher, Johnzo finally comes to the rescue and explains exactly what to expect when we die: either nothing happens, or something happens. Profound shit, enh? We wrap up the episode with a considerably less-controversial subject: Hitler's mustache and his charisma. Were they related? Email us with your opinion (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Mar 5, 2007. All this talk of climate change has Warren worrying about obesity in squirrels. What happens if there's no winter to stop them from overindulging in nuts? This conversation segues seamlessly and predictably into talk about monkey masturbation. Warren's hypothesis is that if a monkey is awake, it is probably masturbating. T-Bone suggests that, contrary to popular opinion, excessive masturbation leads to hair loss on certain parts of the monkey anatomy. In another amazing transition, our conversation steers towards exercise programs for fat monkeys and adolescents that involve masturbation and/or video games. If you are a monkey or an adolescent, or know the aerobic value of their masturbatory habits, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Feb 26, 2007. We begin this week with a brand new drinks-related segment, Alcoholics Says. It's meant to be the opposite of Alcoholics Anonymous. If you don't find that funny, see Episode Four Plus. If it's still not funny, well, fuck you. Our relatively innocuous conversation about drinks soon turns into a rather nasty discussion about all kinds of ass-related ailments. We even discover which children's toy is the perfect analogy for a certain rectal problem. If you have a sphincter story to tell, or want medical advice on how to get your prolapse under control, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Feb 19, 2007. In this week's episode, we begin with Sportage, and develop several exciting alternative rule sets for curling. How could curling possibly get more exciting? Just listen and find out. (OK, here's a hint: our ideas include fighting, exploding rocks, and bags of pubic hair.) As if that's not exciting enough, at one point Johnzo admits he has never seen Lanny McDonald naked. Loser! In Dictionary Plus, Warren asks us to find the opposite of the phrase, "There ain't no telling, I reckon." This predictably leads to a high-minded discussion about fuckin' epistemology. If you think you know the age of the tree from Dead Man Walking, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Feb 12, 2007. We start this week with the first ever Urban Legend segment that is NOT introduced by Warren, about goats and coffee. This leads T-Bone to propose a new method for getting drugs into your system. We take no legal responsibility for anyone who wishes to attempt T-Bone's suicidal technique. In sportage, Warren plays 3 NHL goal horns and following musical and asks us to guess the city from which the montages originated. The winner gets, well, just guess. If you want to complain about the redundant use of Blur music in NHL arenas, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Feb 5, 2007. We start off this week by discussing the censorship of naughty and/or offensive lyrics. If you're an impressionable youth who can be unduly influenced by suggestive language, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net), and we'll fill your brain with all kinds of great ideas. Later, we have a chat about Gonzo the Muppet's sexual obsession with chickens. What the hell is Gonzo, anyway? And what does he get out of catching cannonballs? The definitive (or, one might say, the conanical) answers to these and other questions are certainly not in this episode. But have a listen anyway, will you? Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jan 29, 2007. We start with a new kind of (as-yet unnamed) segment, in which Warren asks us to name five translucent things. Pointless you say? Maybe. OK, definitely pointless. But it's no worse than most of our banter, right? Maybe? Well, to make up for it, Warren discusses how painful his wisdom tooth surgery was, even though he was given every anaesthetic known to man. Can you guess where they injected his drugs when they couldn't find a vein? Finally, we try to find an analogy for a painful medical condition: the three-day erection. How long did your most persistent erection last? Let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jan 22, 2007. Welcome to Season 2! If you want to convey your surprise, congratulations, or disappointment that we're still producing this ridiculous podcast after more than a year, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). This week, after acknowledging General Patton vs. the X-ecutioners for our flashy new music, we move on to our first segment of the brand new season, Polish the Bishop, in which we attempt to decipher a cryptic euphemism. This leads to the quotable quip by T-Bone: "Why doesn't she just use a pair of socks?" In Urban Legend, Warren surprises us all by telling the truth for once, and it's at least as infuriating as when he's completely full of shit. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.